Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
