I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
