They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
