Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found the puke drawer
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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