i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
