some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
