So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
