I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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