We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She even gives head with a lisp.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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