Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
