Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
