I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
