Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
