Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
