help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
