Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
