All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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