I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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