Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
