And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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