Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
