some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
