i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
