In the future we'll all be gay
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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