she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
