you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
