Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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