i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
