I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
