The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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