why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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