5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize