Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
