If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize