Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize