It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
