seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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