people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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