dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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