I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
