you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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