I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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