I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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