Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
