i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
