i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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