Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
