I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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