The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
