There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
