Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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