What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
