UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
