Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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