how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
