i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
