tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
