my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
