I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
