if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize