the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
