idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
