one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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