I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
