Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
