There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
