Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
