The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
