Me. At least after what I've been through.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
