gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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