tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
