I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
