I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize