The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
