D3 body, D1 cock
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
